At the tender age of 38…
‘I was planning a life on the run. But then the authorities caught up with me. I tried to escape their clutches, but Rabbi Helen proved too powerful for me. So I am going to have a Bar Mitzvah, in August, on the Saturday following my birthday.
Yes, I know it probably sounds odd if you’re not Jew-ish. After all, a Bar Mitzvah is something teenagers do (like smoking weed, or playing video games) and although I might have the mental age of a 13 year old, I’m actually 38.
Anyway. Putting all that aside, if you want to see me chant from the Torah, and shift around on the spot looking embarrassed, I receive my inheritance as a fully grown up Jewish man!
I will be reading my interpretation of a passage from the Torah also, which begins with the words: “Justice, justice shall you pursue.” It will be riveting stuff, I promise you that.
And if that’s not up your street, feel free to join me at artists’ club Vout O Renees after, for drinks, piano, soul music, lots of Bowie, and nibbles (prepared by Dame Sophie Parkin, no less). The party will start at 3pm and end at about 2am.